Recovering desire and pleasure in marriage and in prayer

From a sermon on Song of Songs chapter 7.  In it I explore the loss of desire and pleasure in marriage and prayer.  This excerpt deals with marriage; other parts of the sermon deal with the recovery spiritual vibrancy.  See the transcript here.  For the audio, click here.

Why is it that marriage today too often seems to bring an end to desire? Why do lovers look outside the marriage relationship in search for pleasure—sports teams, hobbies, entertainment, drugs and alcohol, pornography, affairs? Why is it that the birth of children, our involvement in responsibilities, and the presence of physical problems in our bones and brains too often spell the end of desire? Can married couples have children and work jobs and live with changing bodies and still look upon each other with passion and desire, and enjoy each other with pleasure from inside marriage?

If not, then the Bible is cruel and misleading.

But I don't think the Bible is selling us a bill of goods. I think we're just lost; captive to sin; imprisoned far away from the love we long for. But if we're lost, then we can be found. If we're bound up, we can be set free.

It's true that some of us have been abused physically. We've been so hurt relationally that we're afraid to make ourselves vulnerable again. It's true that some of us aren't happy with ourselves, our bodies, or our partner's. But it's also true that all of us can find help for healing and growth.

The power of beauty to heal the world

Here's a lovely 106 year old witness to the love of beauty. It's a testimony to the power of the spirit to overcome enormous trauma and suffering through the love and practice of beauty. I can't help wondering how things around us would change if we lived as such ordinary saints, simply celebrating and cultivating beauty each day in the little places where we live.

Breathe

A lot is written about the techniques and benefits of breathing for physical, emotional, and spiritual health.  Sometimes Christians dismiss this teaching as un-Christian, something they must avoid. I've written about the use of the breath in the Jesus Prayer.  I've also offered you an example of a Breathing Prayer.  That other religious and non-religious practices celebrate the use of the breath doesn't make the breath less important for Christians.  In fact the opposite is true.  The use of the breath universally is evidence that it is from God.

Remember, the breath is at the core of the biblical and spiritual tradition.

In the beginning the Spirit (Breath) of God came upon the earth (Genesis 1.1ff). After the Resurrection, Jesus entered the upper room and breathed on the disciples and they received the Spirit (Breath) of God. At the new beginning (the church) the Holy Spirit (Breath of God) came upon the church (Acts 2).

With such biblical evidence of the priority of the breath for hooking up with God, why resist it. When you don't breathe you die. When you're stressed, your breathing becomes shallow (and you're moving toward death). But when you open to God, and breathe in great gulps of the Spirit, you live.

Don't grieve the Holy Spirit by resisting the practice of breathing as prayer. Instead, draw in the fullness of the Spirit with deepening breaths.

A sure way during the day to come back to your senses in Christ is to simply return to your breath and let the Name of Jesus rise and fall with each breath.

Then smile.  You're alive.  Exquisitely, unexplainably alive.  A true miracle.

Burn

Even now as you read these words, you can notice that there’s something within you that wants you to believe that God is far away, and that you have so far to go. There’s a foulness sitting at the source of your heart, and it’s muddying your view. All you see is the kingdom of your ego, ruled by a little you—an ugly, unholy parody of the true you. But there’s a path toward healing and recovery, and you’re on it. Made desperate by your awakening, you’re running a path that takes you farther into the depths of your being where you must face and confront this ugly parody of you really are. But don’t be afraid. The path is dark, for ugly things lurk here. But if you knew the truth, you’d know they’re only phantoms. You’re lit up with God as you run further in, and the only thing this Fire will consume is sin—your false, deluded, fallen self—and the phantoms it uses to protect itself. You’ll be glad to let that stuff burn.

So, why not stop for a moment and contemplate this thing God is up to in you?

Turn aside from the path. Remove your shoes and socks. The ground beneath your feet is holy (Exodus 3.5).

For more meditations on the Daily Guide/Rule of Life, click on the blog category, “Daily Guide/Rule of Life”

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Blindness

You cannot see what you really are—“the light of the world” (Matthew 5.14)—because your awareness is clouded and blocked by sin. Sin’s become such a hackneyed and loaded term that it’s almost worthless. Sin’s not doing this or that, thinking such and so. What some call sin is the sour fruit of sin, not sin itself. Sin’s deeper. It’s original—that is, it sits at the center and origin of your life, like something foul dumped at the mouth of the pristine mountain spring that is your truest self, made by God.

Sin is falsehood. It’s separation from the truth of the splendor of who you are in Christ. It’s the fall from the truth that you are, at heart, one with Christ. Sin splits you apart from Christ and who you really are. It creates a self that St. Paul called “the flesh”—that sinful self is at war with the beauty and goodness of who you are made to be. That self, fallen from its original splendor, contracts and shrinks into itself. Then in order to protect itself, it conjures up an illusion and does everything in its power to keep that illusion intact. The falsehood sin wants you to believe is that you are here, God is over there, and there’s a vast chasm between the two.

For more meditations on the Daily Guide/Rule of Life, click on the blog category, “Daily Guide/Rule of Life”

Click here to read or pray the Daily Guide/Rule of Life