Mess

Most of us don't mean to make a mess of our lives.  But a mess is what most of our lives become from time to time: . . . sometimes for much longer than we'd like

. . . and occasionally without much hope of good coming from it.

If we're human, we can't avoid the mess.  In fact, as I testify here in a recent episode of the new podcast Parenting ReImagined, the mess of life is precisely where we work out a robust spirituality in the midst of daily life, where we find ourselves nearest to God, and God nearest to us.

Take a listen.  Dr. Sherry Walling is a winsome and warm interviewer (much like Krista Tippett of On Being fame, but wonderfully also her own person). In this podcast, Remembering to Breathe, she gets yours-truly talking about the darkness, brokenness, and mess of my own life, and the astonishing beauty that is emerging from it.  She helps me explore family life, parenting, spirituality, and concrete practices for living in the mess without getting sucked down into the mire.

It's not a bad Lenten meditation on humanity, divinity, death, and rebirth.

Intention: Today, I'll breathe.  And by breathing, I'll pray myself nearer to my own humanity.  And by paying attention to the life that's living in me, I'll stop trying to escape the mess and instead, let God meet me here.

Nonreligious

People are walking away from organized religion in droves. Why is it that young people have little interest in religion, and an increasing number of middle aged adults are losing their religion? I have a friend who's a pastor in Ashland, Oregon who hosts what he calls, Theology Pub. They talk about stuff that really matters to them.  Last week the subject was anxiety. An attender, who says he has no religion, told my friend that he'd never walk into a church to talk about things that matter. But a pub?  "Why not?"

Too often what passes for religion is tight, cold, serious. And religious organizations appear to many people to be concerned about who's in and who's out; they're hostile, narrow, suspicious of, or even hostile to, change, and are preoccupied with keeping their institutions afloat.

To outsiders, we religious people (as a whole) seem to be fearful, uptight, joyless, anything but playful.  We're viewed as terribly irrelevant people who have our heads mostly in the sand.

Jesus wasn't any of these things. He was condemned by the religious of his day as a glutton and a drunk (Matthew 11.19).

Intention: Do something today to change the perception of the nonreligious.

Conflict

So maybe you're in conflict with a family member, friend, or co-worker. You think they're wrong; they think you're wrong. Maybe they're being belligerent, aggressive, hostile. And you, not wanting to be a pushover, are preparing to push back.

You can push back, of course. But to what end? You're reciprocal act of self-assertion is a summons to a fight, and a fight is what you'll have. Part of you would like that. There's part of you that thinks at a very primitive level. "Eye for an eye." It's a trap and it'll make you part of the universal spiral of conflict and violence that's plagued us for millennia.

You must find another way. And that other way doesn't mean being passive, a pushover, a doormat.

No, it means letting go of your attachment to being right, proving the other wrong. It means learning how to see what is really true, sticking with the real facts--not your illusions, opinions, or perspective. And speaking that truth in a way that helps the other let go of their attachment too. If you need to be right, you're already in a trap. But a commitment to "the truth will set you (both) free" (John 8.32).

But that commitment to truth requires you let go of your petty opinions.

Intention: Today, when I'm drawn into conflict over this or that, I'll take a deep breath in prayer, step back, let go of my need to give someone a piece of my mind, and seek a way to move toward a truth that's bigger than both of us.

Focus

I'm aging. You're aging. I'm now wearing progressive lens in my eyeglasses to help me keep things in focus. I imagine that you'll have to do that too someday if you're not already doing so.

Over time we lose focus spiritually too. It's as natural as aging. Losing focus isn't just a nuisance; it can be dangerous--especially for those who don't realize they're not seeing clearing, or who refuse to acknowledge it.

Loss of focus isn't just a matter of seeing or perceiving. We can lose focus when we're spread thin and have lost a sense of our center--who we are, what we're all about.

That kind of loss of focus is dangerous too. You wind up busy, anxious, frustrated. It's not good for your mind, your body, or your soul.

Intention: Today, I'll name what's most important to me. I'll keep that front and center . . . kind of like taping a reminder card on the wall of my mind. I realize I'll not stay focused all day, but at least I have a center to return to when I lose it.

Distraction

Next time you’re stopped at a stoplight, look around. Drivers are texting, fiddling with the radio, talking to someone beside them or someone at the other end of their cell phone. The man in the car beside you is shaving. The woman behind you is putting on makeup. It’s little wonder we live through our morning commute. Our distractedness has become an epidemic. How distracted are you? How hard is it for you to keep focused on the task you're supposed to be doing, the person before you? Or are you reaching to check your phone for texts, following your Facebook feed, or letting your mind flit to and fro between the many different things you have to do, the worries that crowd into your brain, or your dreams for an escape from the boredom that plagues you?

Distraction isn't a modern problem, but the level of our distractedness is.

The first step out of the problem is simply recognizing it and its effect on your life.

Intention: Today, I'll simply notice my distraction and the things that lure me away from what is real, what is right in front of me. And I won't judge myself for being distracted. Noticing it is enough for now. Changing it will come later.