The Art of Suffering

What to do when fear, anger, and resentment inhabit the heart

From my journals, Tuesday, November 6, 2007 I am again humiliated. It's not so much my sins I see but my poverty of love. I enter my heart but find it full of pride, anger, fear, resentment. Where is my Love, my Lord Jesus, who promises to dwell there? Was he ever there? He has vanished? Or, has Love gone deeper in, leading me on, deeper, deeper, past my ego's many layers?

So what am I to do?

Lament my sins?  The obstacles?  God's elusiveness?  My ego's expansiveness)?

There's nothing to be won by this---only the spiral into real despair.

No, instead, love still more. Follow the passion of your heart. Love leads you on; your heart must find the Beloved . . . and only Love can guide you along this twisting path. The saints testify that Love is the only true guide. You can trust them; they've been down this path and found what you seek.

Severe depression: medication as grace

Here's important testimony from a reader who has lived through severe depression and offers some important advice regarding the use of medication.  Depression sufferers and their supporters, please listen to this!  (A response to my recent post: Light on Severe Depression.)

As a pastor who was hospitalized with clinical depression and anxiety and stress syndromes, I can add my personal AMEN to what you have shared, Chris.

The church certainly remains behind the eight ball on this one. In my congregation’s case (at the time), they carried out a better model. They teamed with my presbytery (regional governing body) to create a team to take care of both me and the congregaton’s ministry (liaison with the session [governing board]). The session granted me a three-month, paid leave of absence.

I had the grace, space and time to rest and get well, under the care of an excellent Christian psychotherapist and a quality psychiatrist, who found just the right medication.

Speaking of the latter–STAY WITH YOUR MEDS TO THE END OF THE REFILLS, my friends.

Thinking you’re better just because the symptoms go away is a BAD REASON to stop your meds without careful consultation with your physician(s). You’ll just dig a whole that ends up being harder to climb out of than before.

And depression sufferers: IT DOES GET BETTER. Indeed, it often takes a lot of time, hard work, and trial and error–but you’ll find God in the midst. That’s a promise fulfilled in my case!

Light on severe depression

A year ago yesterday, I lost one of my dearest friends.  I've written and spoken publicly a lot about mental illness, suicide, and the need for us to become more open and understanding of those who struggle with mental illness and, in particular, severe depression. Here are several links to some of what I've said in my effort to mainstream an all too common silent struggle that isolates the sufferers and their families, and open the doors for us to live more compassionately in ways that foster healing and hope.

One out of every 10 Americans will experience clinical depression during their lifetime.  Dark emotion will become chronic and debilitating, affecting their ability to function, interact with others, and derive pleasure from life.   One out of every four women will be clinically depressed at some point in her life. Because of our increasingly complex and interrelated world, clinical depression has become a modern epidemic.

Says Parker Palmer: “People walk around saying, ‘I don’t understand why so-and-so committed suicide.’ Well, I understand perfectly why people take their lives. They need the rest. Depression is absolutely exhausting. It’s why, day by day for months at a time, I wanted to take my life. What I don’t understand is why some people come through on the other side and reclaim life with new vividness and with new intensity. That is the real mystery to me.”

Here is the original post just days after Jamie Evan's death.  It contains links to audio sermons.

And here is a link to a written manuscript of the sermon and a post entitled, God and Suicide: A Personal Encounter.

In addition here's one more link to an audio sermon from summer 2010, "When Depression Seizes You."

Depression is real, common, and treatable.

Contrary to the way it makes us fee, and what we may have been taught, it doesn’t disqualify any of us.

Please join me in standing alongside those who suffer in silence and loneliness.  Pass these on to friends and family members.

The power of beauty to heal the world

Here's a lovely 106 year old witness to the love of beauty. It's a testimony to the power of the spirit to overcome enormous trauma and suffering through the love and practice of beauty. I can't help wondering how things around us would change if we lived as such ordinary saints, simply celebrating and cultivating beauty each day in the little places where we live.

When depression seizes you

Here's a link to an audio of the sermon I preached on Sunday, June 20, 2010. Some background . . .

One out of every 10 Americans will experience clinical depression during their lifetime.  Dark emotion will become chronic and debilitating, affecting their ability to function, interact with others, and derive pleasure from life.   One out of every four women will be clinically depressed at some point in her life. Because of our increasingly complex and interrelated world, clinical depression has become a modern epidemic.

Says Parker Palmer: "People walk around saying, 'I don't understand why so-and-so committed suicide.' Well, I understand perfectly why people take their lives. They need the rest. Depression is absolutely exhausting. It's why, day by day for months at a time, I wanted to take my life. What I don't understand is why some people come through on the other side and reclaim life with new vividness and with new intensity. That is the real mystery to me."

Depression is real, common, and treatable. Contrary to the way it makes us fee, it doesn't disqualify us.

In this audio sermon, I explore the nature and experience of depression through the life of one of Israel's greatest prophets, Elijah.  With Elijah, we listen for the negative messages that play in our heads tumbling us into despair, we watch for the presence of those angels who nudge us and tell us to do such things as "get up and eat," and we walk the long journey into the dark cave that can become a womb of rebirth into human community.